The conversations that can change lives
Many of my professional network know that, until recently, I was one of the first associate board members at LionHeart. What you might not know is that, like many others, I used LionHeart’s service during one of the toughest periods of my life.
Before I tell you about it, I wanted to share a fun fact about my name, So Sum. In Chinese, it translates to ‘tell your heart’, or more deeply, ‘to share your true feelings and thoughts’. When I was younger, I asked my parents why they chose this unusual name. They told me that they wanted me to be someone who not only listens well but also to be able to share my thoughts and feelings with others.
While I like to think I’m quite a good listener, as I got older, I found it harder to express myself and talk about my feelings. Especially working in a fast-paced and competitive industry like surveying.
In our industry, we talk a lot about success, deals, investments, and achievements. We talk less about the struggles - the stress, the failures, the toll it can take on our mental health.
As someone who came from a different country, I worked even harder to prove my worth. I also worked really hard on my APC, trying to get my RICS accreditation as soon as possible.
It could be stressful from time to time, but I kept pushing through. Because that’s what we’re taught, isn’t it: keep working, keep achieving. We never pause to talk about how we feel.
'I thought maybe I wasn’t strong enough'
Then, during Covid, everything in our daily lives changed. I felt overwhelmed by the uncertainty, but when I checked in with colleagues, I seemed to get the response ‘it’s stressful, but we’ll be fine’.
So I thought maybe it was just me, maybe I wasn’t strong enough. So I just kept working, thinking I could handle it.
Until one Wednesday morning when I opened my laptop, I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t even know why. My first instinct was still to push through.
Then my manager called me for a regular catch-up. He asked me how are you? I responded ‘erm...not too bad’, of course with a smile. He noticed the hesitation and asked me again, ‘How are you really?’
And at that moment I couldn’t hold off my tears as I could finally acknowledge my emotions.
My manager said, ‘I understand it’s been challenging for everyone, just take a break.’
My first reaction was I can’t!! I’ve got meetings, deadlines…
But he insisted, so I was finally persuaded and took a few days off. Even then, my brain couldn’t stop thinking. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t as resilient as I should be and disappointed in myself for not working.
I was also asked to pause my APC and I felt like it was the end of the world. I might be exaggerating, but having spent so much time and effort on it, I thought I would never be able to pick it up again.
In the following days, I tried to do different things to cheer myself up. But I failed.
'The decision to contact LionHeart was life-changing!'
When my colleagues suggested I reach out for help, I hesitated. I thought I wasn’t in such a bad situation and I shouldn’t need help.
But I finally decided to contact LionHeart. And that decision was life-changing!
My support officer really listened to me carefully and with compassion. I felt heard, and safe to talk about my feelings and emotions. There was no judgement, just understanding. She helped me process my emotions, acknowledge my struggles and remind me of my worth, even when I felt like a failure.
It wasn’t a quick fix. But slowly, I learnt to be more patient with myself, to recognise how far I had come, and began to regain my confidence.
I finally managed to return to work and got back on track for my APC as normal, but I came back stronger, and more resilient. Knowing that LionHeart had my back gave me the courage to take action and achieve things I once thought were beyond my reach. It was like having a close friend I could call if I needed, that I could trust and that understood.
Since then, I have passed my APC, served as an associate board member of LionHeart, spoken at the EG Future Leaders summit in front of 200 people, and even been shortlisted for the RICS Matrics awards…
Reaching out for help makes you stronger
None of these achievements seemed possible when I was at my lowest, but they all started with one brave step - reaching out for help.
I learnt that showing vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, reaching out for help when you need it makes you stronger.
Maybe you’re reading this today and feeling alright. But think about the people around you. We can all play a key role in shaping our industry where people feel comfortable sharing their true feelings, without fear of being judged.
I would really encourage you all to support LionHeart, this amazing organisation that is here to help our profession when they need it. You may not need help today, but you never know if you or someone you care about might need it in future.
I would also challenge each of you to be that ‘close friend’ to someone. I’m not saying you have to be a close friend to everyone, and in fact, it’s impossible!
But be open and genuine, share your thoughts and feelings, and share your failure. Be there for people. Those connections are so important. No matter how small the action is, you never know how a simple conversation, a moment of vulnerability, or offering support might change a life - including your own.
So Sum Lee MRICS is a planning and development surveyor for SQW. She served as an associate board member of LionHeart from 2022 to 2024, one of the first two people to be appointed to the newly created role. She shared a version of this story in a speech at an event to mark LionHeart’s 125th anniversary in London in September (pictured above).
